If I could do anything

If I could do anything, anything I wanted, anything at all:

I'd work short evenings at the bar, because it makes me happy

I'd skate at least 3 times a week, I'd compete in the national competitions, and I'd get paid to do it

I'd make pickles and preserves during the day and sell them at local farmers markets around the city

I'd paint more often

I'd write more often

I'd sleep more often

I would spend more time with my family

I would spend more time with my cats

I would spend more time with my friends

I'd travel around the world

I'd eat great food

I'd solve world hunger

I'd solve the world water crisis

I'd hug those who need it

I'd cure terminal illness

I'd ease all the pain

I'd hold all the hands

I'd put more hours in the day

I'd make all the jokes

I'd laugh all the time

I'd cry tears of joy

I'd pet all the animals

I'd get over my fear of sea life

I'd go swimming more often

but most of all, I'd just try and live the life I've always imagined.

But I live in the here and now, and while I would love more time to do the things I want, I'm incredibly happy and blessed to do the things I get to do with the little time that I have.

I've just got to remember to make every second count.

Senor Genjibre

Its one of things that no one dare admit; I care about what you think of me, Mr. Hook-up.

Courting is so weird when you actually think about it, I mean honestly think about how you met your significant. WEIRD, RIGHT? Right.I suppose what I'm getting at is that I hooked up with someone last week and while I normally wouldn't think twice about ol' mister what's-his-name, he did something that's being nagging me since.

He said he liked me. 

WHO DOES THAT?

I should give precedence for this anecdote if for anything just to visualize and get to the heart of the issue for myself.

Three weeks ago I sat alone in a bar in Downtown, I was wearing my favorite paisley dress and sipping club soda and angostura bitters. I was killing time, waiting for my brother to get off work so I could give him a ride home. Absolutely nothing exceptional was happening. I turned my gaze to the door that leads to the patio and saw my friend Nico walk through the door. While I was completely content to remain seated alone at the bar, it was nice to run into a friend I don't see too often; he ran over, hugged me, invited me to the patio party they (his group of friends) were having.

Nico is this young, beautiful 20 something with great hair and a since of sweet naivety about him. Introductions commenced, I must have met 15 people in 30 seconds. Ask me who was there that evening and I'll draw blank, save for one.

This is how I met Mark.

Mark is an unassuming man; slight build, freckled face, strawberry blond hairstyle from the late 90's, with the reddest beard I've ever seen. I can't remember what was said, but I recall telling him about my book project, and I may or may not have made fun of him because he is from Dallas.

He told me he had a degree in Spanish and I swear to fucking God I almost died.

Quite possibly the whitest person I have ever met has a degree in Spanish and lives in Texas. Take whatever time you need to at this moment to contemplate, research, and whatever else you have to do to come to the conclusion I did at the moment following his statement.

I could tell that making a "useless degree" joke would be alright because I'd already made fun of him and he was being a great sport. I proceeded with "you have a degree in Spanish?! That's almost as useless as my degree in English!" (All joking aside, I think any degree attained is an accomplishment and kudos to you for pursuing what makes you happy). We chatted for a bit longer and decided to bar hop with the rest of the party, which we'd at this point completely ignored because we're self indulgent assholes who are terrible at being inclusive


and I'm going to stop telling this story right now because it's fucking pathetic and boring and its starting to piss me off.


I am just bummed about a boy. 

If you ever get the chance to be completely honest with someone, I strongly suggest you throw caution to the wind and do it because there is nothing more cruel than leading someone on.

If you hook up, just hook up, and refrain from insisting that you genuinely like the person you're hooking up with, you had your night, let it be done.


I'm gonna get over this in like, 10 minutes- till then I'm going to listen to Against Me! and feel sorry for myself.

Exquisite Corpse pt 1

I am sitting at a cafe in Houston; it has taken me three hours to eat a tamale.

three hours and your food just melts into itself, like a tamale implosion

The last few months of my life are a lot like climbing the north face of Mt. Everest. which is approximately 8,848 m (29,029 ft). The last time I was here on this blog, I was having a crisis of faith in myself, my career, and humanity as a whole; I had never felt so low, so terrible, and beyond all so damn pathetic. 

Allow me to catch you up and then we can move on.

Three and a half months ago I became involved with a wonderful man, who kind of just swept me off my feet unexpectedly. It was great. He was kind, and giving, and handsome and completely so far from my "type" of man, but what a welcomed change it was. Now sometimes things, as great as they are and as perfect as they may seem will still fall apart, because nothing is perfect and no one can predict the future. I'll save the straw that broke the camels back for myself because everyone deserves a shred of privacy, but just as quickly as the love came, it was gone.

There is another person in my life, and he has been here a long time. Being alone is kind of just the pitts, so its nice to have someone who is there for you when you need it. I've attached myself to him as a constant, something in the equation in my life that cannot change, and I am wrong for it. A man approaching his thirties does not belong to me, and it pains me greatly but it is time for me to let go.  

I walked into his house the other day, what a nice house it was, rooted in the heart of suburbia, a land of milk and honey. A quick hello to his house guests, and then I could feel it, a cold burning in the pit of my stomach. I suppose it would be unfair to refer to his female friend as a vapid shell of a human being, but this is my blog and I will do as I please. Its quite a terrible feeling this jealousy, and it wasn't so much that she was there, but it was the familiar feeling, the information stowed away that he had divulged, and the vulnerability I felt as one who has retained a level of limerence for this man. As we ventured out for the evening, after she left, I could only feel anger, regret, sadness, and a slew of other negative adjectives that can be surmised by a wearing a sour face.

Why? Why am I feeling these irrational emotions? Frustration. 

I went home late, I sat in bed and cried. WHY AM I CRYING? WHY DO I FUCKING CARE?

I NEED TO CLEAN MY APARTMENT! BE A GROWN UP, JULIE.

So naturally last night I looked for some comfort in his words; I reached out to him the way he did to me a few nights earlier, feeling sad, alone, and pathetic.

What a enormous let down.

I cannot feel sad anymore, not over some inexplicable feeling of unrequited empty love.

I AM STERNBERG'S TRIANGLE PERSONIFIED.

  

recent self portrait

I finished his resume today.

I must persevere. Move past this emotional stagnation. I want to be a happy girl, liberated from such contrived feelings. 

I will clean my apartment.

I will feed my cats.

I will pay my rent.

I will finish this blog.

I will feel accomplished.

I do not apologize for calling your female friend a bitch.

And If I am to fly, I'll need a place to land

I received an email from the sous chef at The Aviary yesterday, in it he asked me if I still had intentionsof relocating. Okay, Chicago now all I have to do is find a place to live with the time frame I've got.


I have this thing in the back of my head that's urging me to stay put, but I so badly want to be more- and make more money. I love the restaurant that I am at currently, they do great things, serve beautiful food, and have an unparalleled passion for what they do, but with all that going on I go unnoticed, only getting "shushed" when I'm singing too loudly or when someone wants a fucking latte- gives me god damn ulcers. 

I went to college too, you know.

I just want some more, whatever that is.

All life issues aside; I attended an incredible dinner last night at well-known Austin establishment, Foreign & Domestic. It was quite the affair, open only to invitee's and ticket holders (I was the latter), benefiting the first annual Indie Chef's Week. I was particularly excited to attend this night because the chef of my dreams, Craig Thornton, had flown in from Los Angeles to make dinner just for me (and everyone else who attended, but that's not important). As a vegetarian of 15 years, I knew that this dinner was probably not going to be especially kind to my dietary preference, but I made a few exceptions for this dinner (because the entire engagement set me back about 275 American dollars) I was able to eat about 70 percent of what was served, and drank 100 percent of all the wine parings.

Chef Craig Thornton; culinary badass, thief of hearts. 

I sat at a communal table next to a couple from Houston who lived in West U, next to them were a lovely older couple who referred to themselves as "transplant Austinites" and considered themselves true Texans (even though they were from Oklahoma). The entire dinner started with a beautiful toast with some sort of sparkling wine; the decor of the restaurant was minimal but warm, and you could feel the emphasis of community resonate not only in the aesthetics  but the diners, chefs, and heaven sent waitstaff.

A brief introduction and welcome and then like the old adage "too many cooks in the kitchen", the dinner started and we were whisked to the first course of our grand culinary road-trip.

Literally, there are too many cooks in that kitchen

First Course: 

Whole Roasted Tahitian Squash

Wheat Berries /Brussels Sprouts/Pomegranate Vinaigrette/ Scallion/ Jus d'Onion

Chef: Gary Menes

Los Angeles, California

Tore that shit up

Like a well composed symphony- everything harmonized with such incredible execution. A sweet caramelized pillow of winter; the squash was seared, the wheat berries were like a pearled quinoa, and I ate that damn scallion like it was the last one in the world, I USED MY GOD DAMN HANDS TO POLISH THAT BABY RIGHT OFF THE WAY THE LORD INTENDED. The portion was just enough to enjoy without making too full and the whole damn dish is VEGAN.

If I ever had any doubts about being a vegetarian, this has renewed my faith.

Second Course:

Fried Fish With Strange Flavor Sauce

Steamed Bread/Charred Long Beans

Chef: James Mark

Providence, Rhode Island

This is a shitty photo of a really amazing dish

We received 2 whole fish served family-style; I don't remember what kind of fish he served, but I remember it was white and flakey, the skin had a beautiful charred quality and I ate a ton of it. The "strange flavor sauce" was smokey and tangy, almost like a creamy adobo, and complimented the dish well. Hanging out on the side of the over-sized plate was the steamed bread, which was exactly just that. I am a poor person who likes to eat which means that I have been to my share of "All-you-can-eat Chinese Buffets", that being said, the little puffs of bread reminded me of a better version of the biscuits you find at those establishments, light, airy, divinely moist. Then boom, like fucking dynamite inside your unworthy palate are the Long Beans. Holy Cow. Slightly firm, wondrous earth, delicate char, I have never loved a legume like this- don't tell Garbanzo, he'll just get huffy.

The portion seemed a bit bigger than usual for a "tasting" type menu, but fuck it, I love food and lots of it ( please note the 10 unwanted pounds hanging around my hips, thighs, and abdomen).

Third Course:
Bay Scallops
Scrambled Eggs/Chicory/Sunflower Seeds
Chef: Ben Sukle
Providence, Rhode Island

My phone is awful for taking fotos of beautiful food.

Small chopped Bay Scallops tossed in with a small rendered Chicory salad was a great flavor/texture paring. Sweet, briny, soft Scallops worked with the bitter Chicory greens in a way that the delicate flavors of the Scallops were not lost but highlighted. The soft scramble of the eggs was like an unset custard, and to add another layer of texture and flavor, Chef Sukle dehydrated thinly sliced Scallops, tossing in a few seeds for a slightly nutty quality. The first bite of Eggs almost knocked me on my ass, HOW ARE THESE SO DAMN DELICIOUS? Chef Sukle, being part robot overheard my exclamation and with unabridged coolness delivered the best one-line answer I have ever heard "double boiler". Eggs will never be the same.



Editor's note: I took some Ibuprofen PM's a few minutes ago and writing is getting harder and harder 

Course Four
Low Country Crab Fried Rice
Chef: Jeremiah Langhorne


There wasn't a description featured with this dish

itty bitty baby mushrooms

This was one of the best dishes I've ever had, and a lot of the diners in the restaurant were not only surprised at the unconventional presentation, but really just loved everything about the dish. I can't remember what all the components were, but there was a chili soaked rice cake, shredded Crab, pickled honshimeji mushrooms, and some sort of delicious soy based sauce.

God damn it was good.

Course Five
Pork Tongue
Pickles/Crispy Grits/Black Mustard Gravy
Chef: Nathan Lemley
ATX

My dining companion was not lucky enough to get a carrot

I'm not a chef, so my opinion on food probably doesn't matter, that being said, the consensus around our hemisphere of the table seemed to agree that the dish, although delicious, failed to work together as a whole. I didn't eat the Pork Tongue and maybe that's why I felt like it didn't work, but separately each individual component was fuckin rad. I can't believe I've never had a fried grit cake before, but they are the answer to all of life's' dinner woes. Also, Brussels Sprouts make everything better, and that is the god damn truth.


Course Six:
Rabbit
Chipotle/Dried Cherry/Pickled Tomatillo
Chef: Craig Thornton
Los Angeles, California

Visually striking, even with a shitty camera phone picture

I really wanted to eat this dish, sincerely, but there are a lot of things that I just can't bring myself to eat, and rabbit is one of them. I pretty much ate everything on the plate save for the rabbit, which I offered to the other diners at the table, because if someone cooked it, someone should eat it. The chipotle sauce hanging out on the bottom of the plate was marvelous, smokey, mild heat, creamy like a motherfucker. He poured some fresh cabbage juice on the dish right before it went out and god damn that was smart. THERE WAS AN AVOCADO SLICE ON MY PLATE AND IT MADE MY ENTIRE DINNER. Dramatics aside, a beautifully crafted plate with playful ingredients and some genuine heart and soul. One day, Craig, you and me, baby.

End Savory

Course Seven:
Namoura
Fernet/Ginger/Almond Tuile
Chef: Rosie Shipman
ATX

Well fuck, I better just start wearing draw string pants now, because after I destroy this I wont fit into any of my pants

Finally a representative for the ladies! I don't think there is a dessert that could have better followed the meal we just had then the one Chef Shipman made for us; light, not overly sweet, and incredible texture. I really, really, really, have a great disdain for Fernet Branca, but I gave the Ice Cream a shot, and it wasn't half bad. The Fernet in this Ice Cream gave light flavor, but the honey on the bottom of the dish really helped sweeten it and made all the difference and it couldn't have been better any other way. If you have a chance to meet this great lady, give her a high five, she deserves it!


Course Eight:
Pain Perdu
Nutella/Burnt Toast Ice Cream/Banana Pudding/Nilla Wafer
Chef: Plinio Sandalio
ATX

Amuse Bouche:
"Gin and Juice" Blood Orange Puree
Juniper Custard/Grape Granita

Snoop Dogg would be so proud

The amuse that begat the Pain Perdu was really incredible; booze, thick custard, juice, crumbly crust. I wish every dessert could start with something like this, I think it would make the world a better place. The juniper custard was unexpectedly incredible, really botanical without being medicinal and reminded me of Hendrix Gin, which is a fantastic artisan Gin, seriously good stuff. Left me feeling G'd up and laid back. Woo! Chef Sandalio's description of both dishes were really, well...amusing!

That pudding is straight up BANANA, more so than any actual banana I have ever had. Does that even make sense? No?

Man this dessert had it going on; not like a college kegger, or student mixer, but like a Stanley Kubrick Masquerade where all the dudes take off their pants, NO PANTS PARTY! Its hard to compare this dish to anything I've had, but if I were an uncultured asshole I'd probably say that it was like a deconstructed Tiramisu, but with more complex flavors. The burnt toast ice cream that rested on a bed of fine actual burnt toast was completely awesome. SO AWESOME, I WANT TO BURN TOAST ALL THE TIME NOW, WHICH IS EASILY ACHIEVED BECAUSE OF MY POOR TIME MANAGEMENT IN THE KITCHEN. Banana pudding is one of those things that reminds me of being in elementary school, I remember getting a glop of banana pudding in a plastic tray with one Nilla wafer on top. This very banana pudding was like that glop in grade school, but in a collegiate, sophisticated way; a thick pudding with a delightful tropical banana flavor that really changed every other component of the dish when all consumed together. High Five! The Pain Perdu itself, nestled to the right of the pudding was spongy and moist, and slightly crumbly up top. The cake had a light nuttiness and a hint of something more complex, like a freshly roasted coffee bean; a remarkable execution of pastry. Double high five!



Big thanks to everyone involved for making Indie Chef's Week such an incredible success/experience, I sincerely cannot wait for the next one so I can stuff my fat face with more incredible food!




And that's all she wrote.