Things are good

Things have been great as of late and I find it disturbing that I can't really appreciate how great everything is.

I've been really depressed and it's almost a joke how I'm feeling. I actually laugh about it sometimes,
how sad I am. I can't really tell you why, because I'm not really sure, but you know, I'm not afraid to tell others, because I feel like there are a lot of people who can relate.

I have these manic episodes, where I'm really riding a high, and I can't tell if it's real or if its a result of drinking too much coffee or listening to uptempo music, but I really like it when this happens. I get more done.

But those don't happen as much as the other days happen.

My alarm is set to go off at 8:40 am every morning, and I wake up, and I silence the alarm and I just lie there. Sometimes I fall back asleep, but most times I just think about all the things I want to do with my day, and how long it will take me to do them, but then I just lie there.

Hour after hour passes, and I just lie there. I feel like I am stuck to the sheets.

I lie here and I feel morose and I really wish I could get out of bed but I just can't.

There's a touch of irony I guess, in feeling this way because I have nothing to really complain about, but it all feels so empty and I feel so sad that I can't be happy.

I was accepted to grad school this year, and I'll be moving in July, but I can't really accept that this is happening, because I ought to feel happy.

I know I won't always feel like this, but today I do.

I listened to Daniel Johnston and it made me feel a little better and I cried for a minute and that also helped.

Do people still use this thing? Are you there God?