My Longest Relationship

It was the best summer of my young adult life; I lived in a duplex in the Heights that basically came out of my fucking dreams and manifested on the most storybook street in all of the world. I was a slight 17 year old girl who lived by herself in an apartment that once housed the loving duo that once inhabited this space but whose relationship had crashed and burned earlier that fateful year, it was also the year that I got my first cat, Benny.

What a year.

It was also the first year I purchased my first couch.

9 years ago I met my BEDDINGE LOVAS, the cheap futon I purchased because I had absolutely no furniture after my boyfriend dumped me for some old bitch he met at a party.

Anyway.

There she was, flat grey metal frame with what I can only assume was a mattress/cushion fashioned of cheap fabric, hairballs, and particle board the way all IKEA furniture is made, she was 250 bucks of perfection and I knew right then and there, she was the one.

Into the cab of my 1994 Toyota Tercel she went, haphazardly obstructing my view of traffic, but fuck it, this was a milestone for me, I was blossoming into a responsible carbon based life form with a place for sitting.

Onto my floor I laid her skeleton, carefully articulating, several times incorrectly, her body until she was put together. Were there screws missing? Sure. Did I have a sofa cover? No. But there she was, ready for a cushion and a guest to cradle. Carefully I secured the mattress to her frame according to cryptic the instructions provided by IKEA, finally she was complete.

My couch, covered in the stains of nearly a decade of life, my longest lasting relationship.

I write this today because our time together is drawing to a close, and while it is just a couch, I am reminded of the time we've spent together.

Countless butts, a handful of relationships, a few breakups, 3 major moves, and a place for my groceries while I put them away. You served your purpose and you did it exceptionally well.


I am going to miss you, couch and I'll think of you fondly.


Please don't tell my parents what you know.